In my 20 anniversary walk through my courtship and marriage with my wife I would be remiss if I did not include the very dark day of Saturday, June 30, 1990. As we read in the last recap “June 27 – 29, 1990: Slow down, you move too fast” we were crazy in love and moving way too fast.
What I left out of the story from the 29th was that by the end of the evening when I had dropped Lisy off at her cousin’s house I had come to a sad realization. I had done some serious thinking about what was going on. I had thought long and hard about the good feelings crazy in love gave me. I was in love and I was in love with being in love. But there was one problem – I was not going to marry Lisy. She was not the right girl for me.
Through my nine years of being a follower of Jesus Christ I had done enough Bible reading and study to know that Lisy was not the right woman for me. She had one major shortcoming that I was unable to look beyond. No, not her cooking – I learned to deal with that by doing most of the cooking myself those early years. No, not her lack of home making experience – she turned out to be a very quick learner. Her shortcoming was her relationship with God.
When I was introduced to Lisy by her cousin I was told Lisy was a “good Christian”. She was a good girl from a good family. Of this was true. But the one think that she was missing was a personal understanding of who Jesus Christ was and what He died for. Lisy did not know Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior.
We had talked many times about religion and faith. As I mentioned in a recent post “June 26, 1990 – The First Day of the Rest of my Life” our first fight was on the topic of religion. As we talked I realized that she did not know about personal forgiveness and a personal salvation. This was a growing concern for me in that I knew that I should not marry her.
2 Corinthians 6:14 – 18 (NIV)
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
17“Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you.”
18“I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.
That is a very special picture that Paul is writing about a Born Again Christian person marrying someone who is not of the same faith (note – I used the word “Faith” not “denomination”) . If one person has a faith that is founded on the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins and one doesn’t it creates a strain on a marriage that is not profitable.
Knowing this truth of the Bible was weighing heavily on me. I was very confused and frustrated. How is that I can be so emotionally involved with this lovely girl and she not have a faith that is the same as mine? What was God allowing me to do? Why have such strong feelings only to have them be unwise and not God’s will for me?
Lisy and I had a long talk that Friday evening and decided that we had better take a break. We had better spend some time apart. The next morning, Saturday, June 30 Lisy left with her cousin Bety for a trip to visit other family members in central Illinois. I was alone, afraid and depressed. So much emotion and energy lost and spent on something that should not have been.
On Saturday, June 30th I had decided that it would best if we ended our relationship. I was not able to move forward and I was unable to “Just be friends” which is the scourge of every man in love. I decided to tell Lisy at dinner the next night when she got back from her trip.
Tomorrow – July 1st. A napkin from the best pizza place in Chicago